hope is a pigeon
smoke-feathered
living on scraps
and lies
hope flutters and coos
and is filthy
with human
effluent
hope does not love
hope knows hunger
fear
and the hatred of all
oh to take wing
through smoggy skies
fly to a high perch
and see the sun rise
Are you alone up there?
Is it beautiful?
Do you remember our wedding day? You said you would love me until death. I think about that sometimes, late at night when you're not there because you're up there. Or is it down? I forget.
The children are fine. Will you be up there to see their birthdays, I wonder. Will you look down on us from orbit and think of us?
Until death do you part. That's a hard thing to think about on your wedding day. I think most people just ignore it as part of the ceremony. After all, no one wants to spoil such a happy day thinking about how it'll end.
Your mother was here the other day. Brought over some flowers and a casserole. I don't suppose they eat casseroles in space, but we enjoyed it. She put crushed potato chips on top like she said you like. Then she almost broke down. She misses you.
There's not much more to tell, really. The begonias are blooming well this year. Roger Deakin, you remember Roger, said they looked pretty as a picture. Can't think of what picture you could paint that had begonias and space, but I thought of you. How you love begonias. That's why I planted them. You haven't seen them.
I guess I'll be going now.
No,wait. I love you. I loved you from the moment I saw you. I didn't want it to ever end, that moment. But everything ends.
When you go by overhead, the kids and I look up sometimes. Not that you'd know, up there.
I wish I'd gotten to say goodbye.
He's very kind. Roger. You'd like him.
I bet it's beautiful up there where you are. Cold and lonely and beautiful.
This is our parting then.
When the man came to the door, you know... He said you were a hero. He said that to the kids. That you'd saved lives. How we could be proud.
I read up on it. Your orbit will decay and you'll burn up, eventually. They don't know exactly when. And that'll be the end of it. A tiny point of light for a moment, and then nothing.
Did you think of us at all? A hero's death, and not a thought for the widow and children? Did you hesitate one second? You selfish... I didn't even get a burial, a plot to weep on, a single shred of you to hold close...
No. It won't end like that.
I love you. The children love you. But it's time. Time to look away from the sky, for them to grow up without your specter overshadowing them. Time for me to move on. I'm sorry.
Is it beautiful? Tell me it's beautiful up there. I'd like to believe that.
I saw Bigfoot one time. He was reading a copy of Cosmo in a convenience store. Then he bought three packs of Marlboro Reds, a can of Diet Coke, and one of those little roses in the test tubes. Gave me a nod on his way out, I guess just to say, "Hey, thanks for not making a big deal about seeing me."
I wish I'd gotten his autograph, but I didn't have anything to write with. The cashier said she sees him in there every couple of weeks. I guess he's got a meth problem because no one buys those little roses in the test tubes for any reason other than smoking meth around here. His teeth looked okay though. Maybe he just liked the look of it.
They shut that store down after it was gutted when the hotdogs started a grease fire. Haven't opened up another one. I wonder where Bigfoot scores his meth supplies now.
