A Letter to an Astronaut From His Wife

Are you alone up there?

Is it beautiful?

Do you remember our wedding day? You said you would love me until death. I think about that sometimes, late at night when you're not there because you're up there. Or is it down? I forget.

The children are fine. Will you be up there to see their birthdays, I wonder. Will you look down on us from orbit and think of us?

Until death do you part. That's a hard thing to think about on your wedding day. I think most people just ignore it as part of the ceremony. After all, no one wants to spoil such a happy day thinking about how it'll end.

Your mother was here the other day. Brought over some flowers and a casserole. I don't suppose they eat casseroles in space, but we enjoyed it. She put crushed potato chips on top like she said you like. Then she almost broke down. She misses you.

There's not much more to tell, really. The begonias are blooming well this year. Roger Deakin, you remember Roger, said they looked pretty as a picture. Can't think of what picture you could paint that had begonias and space, but I thought of you. How you love begonias. That's why I planted them. You haven't seen them.

I guess I'll be going now.

No,wait. I love you. I loved you from the moment I saw you. I didn't want it to ever end, that moment. But everything ends.

When you go by overhead, the kids and I look up sometimes. Not that you'd know, up there.

I wish I'd gotten to say goodbye.

He's very kind. Roger. You'd like him.

I bet it's beautiful up there where you are. Cold and lonely and beautiful.

This is our parting then.

When the man came to the door, you know... He said you were a hero. He said that to the kids. That you'd saved lives. How we could be proud.

I read up on it. Your orbit will decay and you'll burn up, eventually. They don't know exactly when. And that'll be the end of it. A tiny point of light for a moment, and then nothing.

Did you think of us at all? A hero's death, and not a thought for the widow and children? Did you hesitate one second? You selfish... I didn't even get a burial, a plot to weep on, a single shred of you to hold close...

No. It won't end like that.

I love you. The children love you. But it's time. Time to look away from the sky, for them to grow up without your specter overshadowing them. Time for me to move on. I'm sorry.

Is it beautiful? Tell me it's beautiful up there. I'd like to believe that.

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