Eggs

You've got to be very careful with eggs, particularly when they're eggs produced by chickens to whom you've been feeding a steady diet of nitroglycerin and gunpowder. These are things you learn in the sausage industry.

Bev Macklegruber didn't learn these things because she wasn't in the sausage industry. She was in architecture, and business was booming. Literally, because she threw eggs at a competitor's building site and learned the lesson with which we began this story.

Or rather, she would have learned it, but it's difficult to learn something when you only have a split second to absorb the knowledge before you are reduced to a fine mist of particles which had used to be a woman who wasn't careful with dangerous eggs. Can it be said that she learned it at all? She certainly didn't take any tests on it, so her retention cannot be known.

Don't blame her too much though, because in fairness she didn't know that these eggs were in any way more dangerous than your garden-variety egg from your garden-variety chicken. She had purchased them several hours previously for a suspiciously low price from a vendor who had only one eye and was missing several fingers, and who smelled strongly of sulfur and saltpeter, but how was Bev to know?

That this vendor had not warned her of her need to be careful is also somewhat suspicious. It almost makes one think that Bev Macklegruber was the intended victim of this accident. Almost. But we are not here to point fingers. Of which we are in possession of ten. We promise. This eye patch is for a skin condition.

Be all of that as it may, you've got to be careful with eggs, even the normal variety which haven't been infused with enough powerful explosives to level several city blocks. So whose fault is it really?